Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon loading screens

While loading Far Cry 3 Blood Dragon shows sarcastic Tips on how to get the most out of the game, here a complete list.

Combat

When you catch on fire, scream along with your character. It'll be like Karaoke.
Taking too much damage? Stop getting shot, okay? I swear, it’s like talking to a monkey.
Nano-Meds in the world heal you, but who the hell picks up and uses strange syringes that they find lying around in real life?
That last Nano-Med you found lying around was infected with cyber-superherpes. We suggest you get tested before stuff starts falling off.

Handguns are guns that fit in your hand. The future is here.
Shotguns easy to shoot, suck to reload.
If you keep getting caught sneaking around, stop using assault rifles. They're really loud.
Sniper rifles... close-range weapons for when you accidentally select the wrong gun.
LMGs are highlighted in color to emphasize all the important information about them.
The _ _ _ is silent, but deadly. If you guessed "Gas" or "Bow," both are right.
Did Dr. Darling tell you about the Killstar yet? Probably not. She does that all the time.
Attachments go on your weapons.

Grenades explode.
Hold [Throw] to _ _ _ _ grenades. Can you guess what the word is? ("cook")
Use Molotoxes to burn things.
Use grenades and Molotoxes. They blow up and stuff.
C400 charges are explosives that suddenly explode... like a certain soon-to-be Ex with self-esteem issues.
Use C400 to blow enemies... up.
C400 is like C4, but with two zeroes.
Mines have proximity sensors and emotion chips set to "Depressed". When they blow up, they're just committing suicide in front of a witness.

Enemies in range can be shot.
Enemies can knock you over. They're dicks like that.
When you crouch, you can "teabag" enemies, which is dropping your cyber-scrotum in their mouths.
Remember that time when you took that guy down from behind. Yeah. That was great.
That last cyber-soldier you killed? He just beat cancer and had one week left to retire. Hope you're proud of yourself.

Takedowns. For when you want to play like a douche.
If you haven't used the standard Takedown by now, you probably never will.
To perform a Death from Above takedown, be higher than the enemy.
The Death from Below takedown means the enemy is higher than you.
The Heavy Beatdown skill. It's there.
The Grenade Takedown skill robs families of any hope of ever identifying their loved ones. Are you happy now?
Gunslinger Takedown ... stealing the opponent's gun and helping you be a better troll.
The Shuriken Takedown skill lets you Ninja their ass with a throwing star.
The Takedown Drag skill has nothing to do with cross-dressers.
Mash buttons when taking down enemies and you might just chain your kills.

If you keep getting caught sneaking around, stop using assault rifles. They're really loud.
Use cover to stay behind things.
Cover is like the condom of shooters, protecting you from STDs like hollow points and lasers.
Throw dice to distract enemies. If you roll a 20, it's a possible critical, and the Orc will take double damage.
You should be able to throw a die. Press stuff until it happens.

Liberated garrisons are liberated.
Liberated garrisons are awesome for a bunch of reasons.
If you're wondering why you have to buy items in the garrison store in a place without an obvious economy, then you're clearly a Commie bastard.
Dying will respawn you at the closest garrison. We just hope you liberated it first.
Alarms ring really loudly.
Shooting an alarm is just shooting the messenger. Shoot the messenger instead.

Buy ammo or you can't shoot.
Need credits? Pilfer bodies. There's absolutely nothing morally objectionable about that.
If you're wondering why you have to buy items in the garrison store in a place without an obvious economy, then you're clearly a Commie bastard.
Attachments are like strap-ons for guns. Buy them at the store... the attachments...
Maps at the store will show you where to rob stuff. Sorry, we meant "pilfer."
Want more stuff? Kill more things. It's Democracy at its fun best.

Dr. Darling is pretty hot, huh? Yeah... she's not real. You know that, right?
Did Dr. Darling tell you about the Killstar yet? Probably not. She does that all the time.
Rex is being played by Michael Biehn. Yeah, bitches, THAT Michael Biehn. We got him.
SPOILERS: Sloan is Rex's father... in the metaphoric sense. So, not really a spoiler and more of something that never pays off.

We reward you with Cyber-Points (CP) for really questionable actions. Then we let you buy stuff that lets you do even more questionable things.
When you earn enough Cyborg-Points (CP) we sacrifice a puppy in your honor.
First you get the CP. Then you get the levels. Then you get the skills...

Play the game your way. In your underwear, naked, clothed... we're open world that way.
We blew a lot of credits from our budget on colored fonts.
Far Cry® 3 Blood Dragon, the game about 80s action films and real-American heroes, was made in Canada by a bunch of French-speaking Quebecers and a whack-load of Brits.
Your character has health. When his health runs out, the game will alert you with "Game Over."
Apparently, there's a progress screen telling you how close you are to unlocking special rewards. Let us know when you find it.
If you're wondering why you can't skin animals anymore, it's because it's cruel. We replaced that with ripping out cyber-hearts instead.
Sure, your character can die repeatedly as he's sent back to the previous save point, but every time he does, he becomes a little more jaded.
If you're having a hard time completing a mission, ask your parents for help. This is totally their era.

Technicals, boats, and gliders are types of vehucles... vehickles... vehuckles? Cars.
Ziplines. We have them.
Ziplines are in the sky. Why aren't they called skyropes?
Fast travel allows you to travel. Fast.